How do you gently respond to someone who labels their self or others as OCD just because they are very neat or like to stick to a routine? On one hand, I wouldn't want to gatekeep the label since not everyone has access to a professional diagnosis, but on the other hand it bothers me to hear people diminish the struggles of OCD by throwing it around willy-nilly.
I've brought it up with someone who did this, but they got defensive and expressed that I was being pedantic and condescending, and that it didn't really matter how they used the term OCD. I even suggested they check out Hard Quirk since its supposed to be a resource for people with OCD, but at that point they just seemed offended that I had brought it up and they weren't interested.
I find that it's difficult to convince people to stop using language if they never previously thought of it as harmful and there isn't a lot of cultural pressure. Is there a gentle way to bring it up without seeming accusatory? I don't want to start any fights over it, and I also realize that I don't really know what's going on in everyone's head.
@Molly Auten I love this post and I love you-neither of which should be surprising. I'm tagging @Maia Fattahi here, because I think that she will have some amazing insight. Something that I've tried to learn how to do when addressing mislabeling or using unhelpful language is to approach the situation with genuine curiosity. For example, if someone is like "My OCD is so bad today, I have to have everything straight and neat", then I might respond with humility something like, "Oh, you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? One of my closest friends lives with that too- she's actually currently living in recovery and kind of an advocate and I'd love to connect you two", or something about how hard that must be. I like the idea of giving that person the benefit of the doubt by assuming that what they say is genuine. Once they clarify that they don't have OCD, maybe asking them what they mean when they say "OCD", because you understand how many different meanings that has. I know you don't like confronting people, and it's truly so uncomfortable- I think there's definitely a kind way to approach, but at the end of the day, if they become frustrated or ashamed when you try to bring meaning to OCD, then ultimately that reflects the work that they have to do. A common phrase that OCD advocates talk about and post is, "OCD is not an adjective".
Great question @Molly Auten! This is a very difficult situation to navigate, because on the one hand you want to battle the stigma and support the community of people seriously struggling with OCD, yet on the other hand you are outnumbered in having this better understanding of the illness and others may take offense to gentle criticism. I wholeheartedly agree with Ali, too––that if they become frustrated/angry/upset by your efforts to battle stigma and educate, that's not on you (and we commend you for any attempts to educate others!).
In addition to Ali's suggestion, another idea could be to reply with some interesting fact that your average person doesn't know about OCD (e.g. intrusive thoughts/images about violently stabbing someone you love, despite having absolutely NO desire or real intention to do such a thing). Or you could even reply with an extreme example of life-interfering perfectionism (e.g. [Omg,] I know this woman with OCD who at one point stayed in her house in the same pajamas for 3+ days straight and was fired from her job because of her absence, all because she couldn't find an outfit in her closet that felt "just right"––she couldn't even leave her house because of OCD...imagine that!). This could act as more of a casual contribution to the conversation/comment, yet still provide education and shed light on their misuse of the term––as opposed to a more confrontational approach that, no matter how you say it, always essentially boils down to, "Well, you're wrong, and shouldn't use that term in that way." Some people may receive the latter well, yet I think most people tend to feel too much shame from that approach to effectively receive the message. By simply following up their comment with an interesting piece of little-known information about OCD, they'll get a better understanding of why they shouldn't be using such a term lightly, and perhaps even be interested in learning more!
Hope this is helpful! Let me know if you'd want some more OCD fun-fact examples. I think it's key to choose ones that illustrate how life-interfering it can be.